I can't tell if I like or dislike twenty fifteen or the past years, but how can you blame something that has nothing to do with your failures; with your own wrong doings and bad decision-makings?

I do know that it was I who brought myself to those kind of situations; not the worst, but the not most pleasant of all situations I've been at.  I tried to be really careful with my actions and words, but sometimes it just happen.  I said and did things that I truly regret right after, but sometimes saying you're sorry isn't always enough.  ...if we really did apologize.

It sucks that we have no control over anything.. even if we think we do.

But it's all over now.. I guess.

This year is going to be a very different one.  There's going to be a huge change in my life that is making me anxious and excited and scared that I can't help thinking about the possibility that it (this decision) might end up in my huge list of frustrations.. which is getting longer and longer as I get older.

I apologize if I'm being vague about this shit but, I thought maybe I'll share about this kind of huge decision I'm going to make to see if I could compete with the most (yeah, probably the most) talented people in Asia when I already got in.  But damn, how am I supposed to do that??

I think I'm going to need all the luck in the world!

and yeah, Happy New Year! #cheers!

Sincerely, Paula